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Remembering Loved Ones During the Holidays, Modifying Traditions and Creating New Ones

After a loved one passes away, the holidays are never the same again. Grief triggers are everywhere, and decorations and events that are meant to bring joy may serve as painful reminders of loss. Traditions, events, parties, songs, movies all trigger memories. Studies show keeping your loved one’s memory alive by continuing to make them a part of your holiday season is a healthy part of the grieving/healing process.

Here are 10 ways to remember loved ones during the holidays:

1. Photos: Display old photo albums in a location accessible to holiday visitors. People can’t resist a well placed photo album. Before you know it you’ll be reminiscing and telling stories with family and friends.

2. Get out the old home videos. Yes you may get emotional, but it also might be comforting to see your loved one up on the TV screen. Again, it’s a great opportunity for story telling and reminiscing.

3. After a loss it can be hard to part with your loved ones belongings. The holidays present the perfect opportunity to give away some of these things, especially if you are someone who always wants to make sure that old treasures go to good homes. Wrap up a few of your loved one’s old things and give them to family and friends who will appreciate them.

4. Create a special place for people to write down memories. Put out a marker and paper or plain wooden ornaments. Friends and family can hang the ornaments or leave the memories in an old stocking or empty gift box. When everyone is gathered together, read the memories aloud.

5. Donate to a cause in your loved ones name. Try and choose a charity your loved one would have supported. During the holidays churches and places of worship, local food pantries, homeless shelters, soldiers and their families, nursing homes, and ‘Toys for Tots’ are all very active.

6. Volunteer your time to others in need. You might choose a cause your loved one worked with or supported. If your feeling lonely, try a retirement home where you can sit and talk to those you are helping.

7. Light a candle in honor of your loved one. Leave it burning during days when you think you’ll miss them the most.

8. When you see a gift your loved one would have liked, go ahead and buy it. Donate it to a charity or give it to someone as gift.

9. Visit or spend time in a place where you feel close to your loved one. You could also spend time watching their favorite holiday movies or listening to their favorite holiday songs.

10. Take care of yourself. Attend a workshop or support group for people dealing with a loss during the holidays. Remember that your loved one would have wanted you to have the support you need.

And a few helpful strategies to get through the holidays without your loved one:

1. Trust that Grief is Part of Healing. Time doesn’t heal the pain associated with a loss, it’s what you do what that time that matters. Grief is the process by which you heal. Experiencing the pain-rather than constantly trying to escape it-can actually help you feel better in the long-term.

2. Set Healthy Boundaries. If attending a holiday ceremony or participating in a gift swap is likely to bring about too many painful memories this year, be willing to say no.

3. Focus on What You Can Control. Think about what you can do to lessen the heartache when you can. It’s ok to limit your decorations or shop for presents online only. Keep in mind, that life goes on for other people and it’s ok that they’re happy to celebrate this year.

4. Plan Ahead. Often, the anticipation over how hard something is going to be is worse than the actual event. Create a simple plan for how you’ll get through the holidays to avoid extending your anguish. Drive yourself to holiday functions or ride with a trusted friend who will take you home whenever you want. Knowing you can easily leave at any time can help you enjoy the activity much more than you would if you felt stuck.

5. Do Something Kind for Others. Even when you’re in the midst of grief, you still have something to offer the world. Performing a few acts of kindness can be good for the grieving spirit.

6. Find a Way to Honor Your Memories. Create a special way to memorialize the person you’ve lost. Whether you decide to light a candle every night or eat your loved one’s favorite food, honoring your loved one can serve as a tangible reminder that even though they are gone, their memory lives on.

7. Create New Traditions. Don’t be afraid to create new traditions this year too. You can also alter old traditions and make them fit better with the new phase in your life.

8. Allow Yourself to Feel a Range of Emotions. The holidays can bring about a wide range of emotions. You might feel joy, guilt, and sadness all within a few minutes. Allow yourself to feel those emotions without judging yourself or thinking you should be happy or you shouldn’t be laughing.

9. Ask for Help. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you’re struggling with the holidays. Look for support groups or contact a professional counselor to help you deal with your grief in a healthy manner.

It’s an important part of the healing process to remember loved ones during the holidays. Surround yourself with caring friends and find what works for you. Remind loved ones that you’re having a rough time, and reach out for more support.

Funeral Home Reviews – Where can you best find them, and how helpful are they?

Reviewing and rating have become a large part of our culture. It is a social activity that allows us to feel we can share our experiences within our community. With the ability for anyone to go online and have a voice, more people have become active reviewers.

And as consumers, we review what other people’s experiences have been with a product or service before we commit. While word-of-mouth recommendations are helpful and very valuable, an unbiased rating is sometimes most sought out in emotional times.

Reviews do matter. They engrain trust. The internet has given consumers information right at our fingertips, and we look to learn as much information as possible before picking up the phone. We try to determine the trustworthiness of a business from its online presence.

But, where can one go to find funeral home reviews?

Online traffic is controlled by the big 3 review sites: Google, Facebook and Yelp. Each has it’s own review system that allows people to leave reviews about a business and help consumers make a decision.

Google uses a 5-star rating that appears any time a business shows up on their web properties. Facebook offers business the opportunity to showcase themselves to their community. Facebook also uses a 5-star review system to help build a reputation of a business online. A funeral home’s star ranking can be found just below the header image in Facebook. Yelp’s SEO is often much better than a lot of local business pages, so their profile pages can sometimes rank higher in Google’s search listings.

The beauty about the Internet is that it levels the playing field for everyone, especially those in the funeral home business. Most families never think about a funeral home…unless they have an urgent need. A death in the family creates that “urgent need” and this is when a funeral home becomes “front and center” to a family.

Since families do not know one funeral home from another, family’s weigh heavily on the reviews they read from experiences before them. However, ranking on the 1st page of Google is not always everything. At Lifesong, we strive to stand out not only by listings and ratings, but through offering consistent, caring, compassionate funeral services.

While reviews and ratings do matter, we tend to advise families into taking it all into account — weighing reviews and ratings, as well as word-of-mouth testimonials from those who have a positive experience. We value your feedback — all feedback helps Lifesong grow and provide the services and care our customers need most.

Disaster Planning While Caring for the Terminally Ill

Anyone living in a part of the country prone to natural disaster or extreme weather should know how to prepare. Pack an emergency kit along with batteries, flashlights, canned foods, water, blankets, clothing, first aid kits, a radio and matches. Know your evacuation routes and the location of shelters as well as pet shelters. Keep an eye on the weather and take warnings seriously.

When caring for a critically ill relative at home, disaster planning takes on new urgency. Life is already stressful for a family with a terminally ill loved one. When natural disaster or bad weather events loom, there are a few precautions one may take to better prepare their family.

Hospice may suggest moving the patient to its inpatient unit or another facility for safety. If the patient remains at home, extra oxygen, medications and other supplies may be supplied to the family. Those caring for or on standby with a terminally ill patient should emphasize the importance of educating the patient as well as local medical staff and family of special needs and all current medications. These may be stored as directed and also packaged in water proof containers.

Have hospices contact numbers and primary physician on hand, and confirm they have yours. If emergency assistance is needed during the storm, do not hesitate to call 911. Listen and heed local weather advisories, stay off the roads and use extra precautions.

In this case specifically, as we prepare for potential disaster from Hurricane Michael, please know whether or not you plan to use Lifesong for funeral and cremation, we are available to assist with a terminally ill family member and would like to serve as a point of contact.

Tholley Taylor, Lifesong Founder and Licensed Funeral Director, may be contacted at (850) 627-1111 or (850) 508-6568 directly.

For more information on planning for natural disasters, visit https://www.ready.gov/.

Navigating Social Security After Death

Navigating the ins and outs of Social Security benefits can be a heavy lift, especially when the death of a loved one is a part of the equation. We’ve outlined a few of the questions we are most often asked below as well as direct contact information for the Social Security offices.

Who notifies Social Security of a loved one’s death?

Social Security should be contacted as soon as possible when a person in your family passes. Usually, the funeral director will report the person’s death to Social Security. You should give the funeral home the deceased person’s Social Security number if you want them to make the report.

What are the death benefits to surviving spouses or dependent children?

Social Security is a key source of financial security to widowed spouses in old age. About 7.5 million individuals age 60 and older receive benefits based, at least in part, on a deceased spouse’s work record. When a retired worker dies, the surviving spouse gets an amount equal to the worker’s full retirement benefit.

A widow(er), at full retirement age or older, generally receives 100 percent of the worker’s basic benefit amount. A widow(er), age 60 or older, but under full retirement age, receives about 71-99 percent of the worker’s basic benefit amount.

Children of the deceased generally receive Social Security benefits until age 18. But if they’re full-time students at an elementary or secondary school, they can continue to receive benefits either until they graduate or until two months after they turn 19, whichever comes first. An eligible child is typically the biological child of a deceased or disabled worker.

Do you have to pay back Social Security when someone dies?

When a person dies on the first day of a month or later, but before their regular payment date, this creates an underpayment. The reason that Social Security withholds payment in these cases or requires the bank to return the funds if the deposit has already been made, is because the person(s) entitled to the underpayment is determined by law. And, the person with access to the deceased person’s bank account may or may not be the person legally entitled to the underpayment.

Underpayments are payable in the following order (https://www.ssa.gov/OP_Home/handbook/handbook.19/handbook-1902.html):

A. The widow(er) of the underpaid person if:

1.Living in the same household with the underpaid person at the time of death; or

2.Entitled to a monthly benefit on the same earnings record as the underpaid person for the month of death.

B. The child or children of the underpaid person entitled to monthly benefits on the same earnings record as the underpaid person for the month of death. If there is more than one entitled child, payment is made in equal parts to each child;

C. The parent or parents of the underpaid person entitled to monthly benefits on the same earnings record as the underpaid person for the month of death. If there is more than one entitled parent, payment is made in equal parts to each parent;

D. A widow(er) who does not meet the requirements of (A);

E. A child or children who do not meet the requirements of (B). If there is more than one child, payment is made in equal parts to each child;

F. A parent or parents who do not meet the requirements of (C). If there is more than one parent, payment is made in equal parts to each parent; and

G. The legal representative of the underpaid person’s estate.

The form SSA-1724 required to complete and submit is necessary for Social Security to determine which person(s) are legally entitled to claim any underpayment due to a deceased beneficiary.

How much does Social Security pay for a funeral?

The Social Security survivors benefits program pays a special one-time lump sum amount (called the “Death Benefit”) of $255 to help pay for funeral or burial costs for anyone who had qualified for Social Security benefits.

Planning for survivors:

Use Social Security’s Survivors Planner to look at survivors benefits from two sides:

how your family members are protected if you die, and
how you may qualify as a survivor on someone else’s Social Security record.

This protection is particularly important for young families with children.

Contacting Social Security

The most convenient way to contact Social Security anytime, anywhere is to visit www.socialsecurity.gov. There, one can: apply for benefits; open a my Social Security account, which can be used to review one’s Social Security Statement, verify earnings, print a benefit verification letter, change one’s direct deposit information, request a replacement Medicare card, and get a replacement SSA-1099/1042S; obtain valuable information; find publications; get answers to frequently asked questions; and much more. If you don’t have access to the internet, automated services are available by telephone, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Call toll-free at 1-800-772-1213 or 1-800-325-0778.

Can Families Be Present During Cremation?

Many people today are opting for cremation over traditional burial due to its numerous benefits. The simplicity and dignity of cremation, environmental concerns, and the flexibility cremation affords in ceremony planning and final disposition all add to its increasing popularity.

Witnessing a cremation can be for anyone for any number of reasons. It is often an overlooked opportunity in being part of the final journey of a loved one. The benefits of witnessing are largely personal. For many people, being present during the cremation is an important part of their faith and traditions. For others, it’s a respectful way to say a final goodbye. Some have the need to be reassured they have the ashes of their beloved. For others, it may demystify a process they weren’t able to be part of in the past.

Some families craft their loved one’s cremation like a memorial service or graveside service including a faith leader, celebrant or officiant offering a few words, scripture or prayer prior to cremation.

Lifesong, is often asked to call family or friends just before the cremation process begins so they may be there in spirit.

Because Lifesong’s crematory is located on-site, family and friends may view the Crematory, and are welcome to rest in the lobby during the process, enjoying the dignified space in comfort.

Once the loved one is cremated, there are many options for their remains. Remains can be buried in a cemetery lot or cremation garden, inurned in a columbarium, kept at home, or scattered.

Although an urn is not required by law, it may be desired if there is to be a memorial service or the remains are to beinterred in a cemetery. If an urn is not purchased, or provided by the family, the cremated remains will be returned in a temporary container.

Lifesong often is requested to commingle ashes of parents or an individual and their beloved pet. Most full size urns are designed to hold the ashes of just one person, however, it is now common for most urn companies to offer dual capacity urns holding the ashes of two persons.

If you would like to speak to Lifesong directly to explore witnessing and cremation options, please request an appointment with one of our advisors at (850) 627-1111.