Blog | Lifesong Funerals - Page 33 of 34 -

The first step in the healing process is selecting the right funeral home…

Let’s face it, funeral arrangements are awkward for families; even if they have been through the process before. Not only are family’s not in a very good emotional place, but they’re now relying on their funeral director to guide them to make the proper decisions regarding the funeral or celebration of life. This can be a daunting process and requires a little bit of due diligence by the family to ensure a smart decision when selecting a funeral home.

Family’s are increasingly utilizing the internet to educate and inform themselves about a funeral home’s services. This is great practice so long as it’s done in advance and not at the time of death. When a death occurs, most families are exhausted, whether emotionally or physically, and this usually leads to mistakes. This is why it is so important to pre-plan and sit down with several funeral directors in advance and initiate conversation. Get to know your funeral director and make sure you’re comfortable with them and their staff. A funeral director who genuinely cares about your family is going to hold your hand throughout the entire process and make themselves available long after the initial call. This alone will go a long way in the healing process and creating a memorable celebration of life.

Most families are unaware of how much information is needed by their funeral home and how critical it is to get it right the first time. Funeral directors gather personal information about the deceased to generate death certificates; burial-transit permits; obituaries; etc. It is pertinent to get this information correct to avoid amendments after the fact. These amendments may take weeks, even months to correct and often leave the family feeling upset and unsettled. Make sure your funeral director pays attention to details so you can get your affairs in order and avoid unnecessary paperwork.

Just like anything in life, the key to a successful funeral home experience is to prepare in advance. Sit down with your immediate family, research together and discuss your options. Losing a loved one is difficult enough and it’s the funeral home’s job to make the situation a little easier.

Not all Funeral Homes are created equal

Some call themselves Funeral Homes; others cremation providers. Some even claim to do both. Some funeral and cremation providers are expensive; others are incredibly inexpensive. Some are family owned and operated and others are part of a large network. So how does someone choose the right funeral home or cremation provider? Or better yet, avoid choosing the wrong one? Hopefully we can provide a little clarification and tell you what to “look” for and “look out” for.

Family owned or a conglomerate? I’d be lying if I told you I never shopped at a large network of retail stores. In fact I might visit one on a daily basis. But after working at a funeral home that belonged to a national chain I understood first hand the limitations of this particular funeral home. Every community is different and the funeral home usually takes on the personality of that individual community. After all, we are part of the community ourselves. And as a funeral director it’s our job, much like a policeman, to serve the community regardless of the family’s abilities or limitations. A conglomerate usually operates on the idea that every community and every family within that community is the same. This couldn’t be farther from the truth. And each family deserves personalization and the full attention of it’s funeral director.

1-800-Cremation…. These companies are popping up everywhere and especially in Florida. Most laypeople are unfamiliar with how a funeral home or crematory operates. When someone chooses cremation you’d assume the funeral home or cremation provider comes to pick up the deceased and bring him or her back to the crematory. Well think about it; if you’re calling a 1-800 number there’s a good chance this company doesn’t have a facility or staff in your town. As a matter of fact, there’s a good chance they don’t have a facility or staff in your state either! Who’s picking up Mom? Where are they taking her? And if you’re paying this company hundreds or thousands or dollars, why aren’t they doing any of the work? Call a local funeral home or crematory and then ask if they’re family owned.

Does the funeral home or cremation provider have an on-site crematory? This one’s simple….ask the funeral home or cremation provider whether or not they do. If they don’t, there’s a good chance you’re paying more money to this company to be the “middle man” between you and the crematory. And there’s a good chance you can accomplish the same thing for less by directly calling the other funeral home or cremation provider. Just because a company has the word(s), crematory, cremations, or cremation provider in their name, doesn’t mean they have an on-site crematory.

The last thing to look for is PRICE. This is something that has gotten out of hand in some markets and can vary by thousands of dollars. How can one funeral home charge almost five thousand and another just under a thousand; for the same service???!!! Well the answer isn’t as simple as it seems but funeral homes operate just like any other business. There’s a good chance the funeral home charging almost $5,000 has a very high overhead and is passing the expense onto the family. Or maybe they think their popularity is so great they can get by with charging a higher price. Or maybe it’s a combination of the two. Now the low priced guy can also be untrustworthy. If a funeral home doesn’t charge enough there’s a good chance they might not be in business very long. Or there’s a chance they’re keeping their expenses extremely low by not maintaining any facilities, vehicles or doing any of their work.

In summary, the best solution to selecting the right funeral home or cremation provider is due-diligence. And please do not wait until the need arises. Get online and research the funeral home’s website and sit down with the funeral director and get to know them. Read about and meet their staff. Check prices and ask plenty of questions. And when you’ve made the right choice, take it a step further and pre-plan so your family doesn’t have to.

Adviser or Listener??

Yes, I am a funeral director and frequently asked for advice relating to all things funeral. But I think a lot of funeral homes have forgotten the most important ingredient of funeral directing; listening!

I’ve been guilty of this myself and have worked for funeral homes that believe they have an image to maintain and things are done a certain way and any practice that deviates from their “signature service” is wrong. Well this couldn’t be farther from the truth!

A few years ago I decided to buck the trend and discovered something along the way. You cannot be a great adviser without being a great listener. The funeral director who first listens to the ideas and visions of the family (in regards to celebrating a life) will exceed the family’s wishes every time. I’m not saying that families don’t need direction or suggestions but having the mindset that each life will be remembered the same way is like saying all individuals are the same.

We recently had a service where the deceased loved two things most life other than his family; pizza and Tom Hanks movies. During the arrangement conference we laughed and talked about his sense of humor and more or less the simple things in life. And we ultimately decided he’d be remembered best by inviting his friends to a celebration of life service where pizza would be served and “The Burbs” (starring Tom Hanks) played in the lobby. The microphone was passed to anyone who wished to share a memory and a life was celebrated!

A funeral home who takes the time to listen means they have your best interests in mind. But more importantly it means they sincerely care.

“Ins & Outs” of the new Tallahassee National Cemetery

In 1862, President Lincoln signed into law legislation authorizing the establishment of national cemeteries “….for soldiers who shall die in the service of the country.” Fourteen were established that year and marked the beginning of today’s National Cemetery Administration.

In October 2015, the Tallahassee National Cemetery opened and burial is based on military service. Any Veteran who was discharged under conditions other than dishonorable or any member of the Armed Forces of the United States who dies on active duty qualifies. The Veteran’s spouse and dependent children may also be interred with Veteran.

There is no charge for burial in the Tallahassee National Cemetery. Opening and closing of the grave, a headstone or marker, and perpetual maintenance will be provided by the government. Also at no expense to the next of kin, the VA furnishes graveliners for new graves in national cemeteries with space available.

A United States flag is provided to drape the casket or accompany the urn of an eligible Veteran. The burial flag will be provided by the funeral director. A Presidential Memorial Certificate may also be requested to honor the deceased Veteran.

Military Honors are not provided by the Department of Veterans Affairs. The Department of Defense is responsible for military funeral honors and should be requested by the family or funeral home working on behalf of the family. Military funeral honors includes folding and presentation of the flag and the playing of taps. Moreover, the ceremony consists of two or more uniformed military persons with at least one member from the Veteran’s parent service of the Armed Forces.

Cremation Is On The Rise; Here’s Why…

In 1980, the national cremation rate for the U.S. was just over 9%. 2015 is projected to be the first year that cremations overtake burials. And by 2030, the national cremation rate is projected to be over 70%.

Three major shifts have occurred in society:

The first is demographic. People don’t remain in the town they grew up in. It makes sense to have a traditional burial in the family plot when Mom, Dad and all the kids grew up and live in the same town; Especially when everyone in that town is like an extended family. But what if all three kids live in three different states and Mom and Dad decide to relocate from Indiana to Florida to spend the rest of their days?! The old family plot has become an inconvenient and distant memory. Plus Mom always said her true love was the beach and to scatter her ashes in the ocean.

The second is cost. According to the National Funeral Director’s Association, the national median cost of a funeral for calendar year 2012 was $7,045. If a vault is included, something that is typically required by a cemetery, the median cost is $8,343. The cost for a cremation is a fraction of a burial ranging $800-$3,500 depending on the types of services selected. When a death is unexpected, a couple thousand dollars is a much easier pill to swallow.

The third shift is religion. More and more Americans decline to be involved in organized worship and now less than 20% of Americans regularly attend church. This puts less pressure on people to host a traditional funeral. In fact, before 1963 the Catholic Church didn’t allow cremation and required the body of the deceased be present for a Mass of Christian Burial. Around this time the Church became more open to allowing cremation and this method of disposition became more popular among Catholics. Prior to 1997, cremations had to take place after the funeral Mass so the body could be present during the rite. Since then, the Vatican has granted permission to allow funeral Masses with the presence of the ashes.