Category: cremation

After cremations as part of the cremation services offered in Tallahassee, FL, the will or revocable trust of the deceased person will be on the immediate family’s mind. Even for families that generally get along pretty well together, the terms of the will or revocable trust may not sit well with some of the family members, which can often lead to disagreements, arguments, and revival of old rivalries and issues within the family.

One of the most common family inheritance issues is the idea that one of the children – and heirs – was the parent’s favorite, and therefore, got treated better in the will or revocable trust than the other siblings. This can be anything from being named the executor or the trustee to getting assets that other siblings feel like they should have gotten.

Being the executor of a will or the trustee of a revocable trust is a lot of responsibility and requires a lot of time and effort to do. Being chosen by a parent for this task is often more a function of involvement (i.e., one child is more involved with the day-to-day life of the parent, so they are more aware of what’s happening and what the parent wants after they die) than of being the favorite child.

However, the favorite child issue is one that frequent arises when other siblings find out they weren’t named – or even asked to be – as the executor of the will or the trustee of the revocable trust. Not being asked or name can often be seen by other siblings as a lack of confidence and trust by their parent in them. This can lead to resentment and serious mistrust of the process of distributing assets by those siblings, which can lead to horrendous arguments and nasty confrontations.

To defuse this situation, it’s important that the executor or trustee be sensitive to the feelings of the rest of family and invite collaboration and open communication as the distribution process is going on. Getting angry and defensive will only make things worse.

Another issue that often also arises with wills and revocable trusts is fairness. Many people equate fairness with equality. When it comes to the distribution of assets, this can mean that all beneficiaries expect an equal share of the assets.

However, that’s usually not how wills and trusts work. The deceased person had the big picture in mind when they drew up this legal document and they considered many things before making the specific bequests and percentages of distribution of their assets. The bottom line is that what they decided was fair is legally binding.

Sometimes executors or trustees will get ambushed by other beneficiaries and will be asked to give them something not specifically left to them or to change a bequest because “it was promised to me.” The best way to defuse this situation is to let all the beneficiaries know that they will be receiving exactly what the deceased person gave them and no exceptions will be made.

A third common issue for executors and trustees is be on trial from the rest of the beneficiaries for the job they’re doing. Criticism can be harsh and relentless. And this can make the job even harder and more stressful.

To address this issue, make sure everyone knows the rules at the outset. If you know your family well enough to know there will be trouble, consider getting an objective third party onboard to help with the process. And, finally, don’t let the process consume you. Place limits on the amount of time you will do this work and adhere to them.

For more information about cremation services offered in Tallahassee, FL, including grief resources, our caring and knowledgeable staff at Lifesong Funerals & Cremations is here to assist you. You can visit our funeral home at 20 S. Duval St., Quincy, FL 32351, or you can call us today at (850) 627-1111.

Providing grief resources is among the cremation services offered in Tallahassee, FL.

Any significant date in the life of a loved one who has died will pose challenges for those of us who are still living for the rest of our lives. It might be a birthday. It might be an engagement anniversary. It might be a wedding anniversary. It might be the date that our loved one died. Any date that is significant is likely to trigger grief.

However, there are ways to help get through these anniversaries that can help alleviate some of the intensity of the grief and channel our thoughts and emotions in positive ways that remember our loved ones.

First things first, though. It may be tempting to just avoid thinking about dates that are significant for our deceased loved one. We may just want to pretend they don’t exist and try to ignore them.

From a grief perspective, this is not a good idea. What happens when we avoid painful things about our loved one’s death – and that includes significant dates for them and us – is that we push the feelings of grief and pain down temporarily, but by doing that we are delaying the healing process that proper grieving will give us.

Whatever we push down will not stay down forever. Eventually, those feelings will come back, often stronger and harder to process and deal with, making our grieving process much more difficult and longer than it needs to be.

So, we should face significant dates for our loved one with a plan of action as to how we’re going to handle and what we’re going to do to remember them.

By planning ahead for these significant dates, we are calm enough to come up with creative ways to remember and honor our loved ones in a meaningful and constructive way that, while we may not realize it, also helps us move forward in our own grieving process.

One way to mark significant dates in our deceased loved one’s life is to invite friends and family over to spend some time with us on those dates. We can make a menu and have everyone bring a favorite dish of our deceased loved one, and we can share a meal and memories that remind us of our loved one together.

Another great way to mark dates that were significant for our deceased loved one is to do something they would have done. Perhaps they volunteered at a nursing home or they volunteered at a local charity. We can spend the significant date volunteering wherever they volunteered as a way to remember and honor them.

Maybe they loved to golf or fish. We could go out to the golf course or go to a river or the ocean and engage in their favorite pastime on a date that was significant to them, because it will remind us of them in a very positive way.

Journaling or blogging is also a great way to remember significant dates for our loved one who has died. We can dedicate the date to them, and then journal or blog about some aspect of their life that we remember, we love, and we miss.

For more information about grief resources and cremation services offered in Tallahassee, FL, including grief resources, our caring and knowledgeable staff at Lifesong Funerals & Cremations is here to assist you. You can visit our funeral home at 20 S. Duval St., Quincy, FL 32351, or you can call us today at (850) 627-1111.

Cremations are among cremation services offered in Tallahassee, FL. But before and after cremations, we should be talking about death as a part of life. Most of us are, quite frankly, afraid of death. It’s mysterious. It’s scary. It’s the unknown.

But it hasn’t always been that way. It’s only in the last 75 years or so that death has become such a taboo subject. There are several reasons for that.

One reason is because, as society became more mobile, extended families no longer lived near or with each other in housing arrangements with lots of support that accommodated the living and the dying. Once families began to spread out, and there were no longer family members living close by who could enable elderly people to live out their final days in the safety and comfort of their own homes or an immediate relative’s homes, the nursing home industry sprung up and our elderly relatives were sent there to live until they died.

In the 1970’s, retirement communities and assisted living facilities sprang up almost overnight. They marketed themselves aggressively to families as a place where the worries of keeping up a household could finally be put aside by older people, and they could spend their last years in a community where they could enjoy activities and leisure, with medical care onsite if they got ill or as they began to age and die.

Touted as better than nursing homes – and, for the most part, they were in many ways – these communities have flourished for 50 years. Adult children could assuage their guilt of putting Dad and Mom away, because these places were nice and offered more amenities than some hotels. Nursing homes, in the meantime, became a place where the elderly poor ended up because their families were not nearby to take care of them until they died.

Another reason why death has become so alien to us is that medicine has advanced so dramatically in the last 75 years in procedures and medications that can make people live so much longer that it has almost fostered a false belief that we can live forever. However, all the medical advances have come at a cost. Although we may be able to squeeze out more quantity of life, we often do it at the expense of quality of life.

But because death is the enemy, many people are willing to live with that tradeoff.

It’s time to change that. Sometimes living is really worse than dying. If there is no quality of life, then being alive doesn’t represent what being alive is supposed to represent.

If we learn about what happens when we die – how the body begins to prepare for death, shutting down slowly over a period of months until it finally shuts down for good – and we talk with our loved ones about how we want to die and where we want to be, then we can bring death out of the dark and into the light.

We need to talk about what we want after we die. We need to discuss funeral plans, our legacies, and even things we may want our family members or friends to have after we’re gone. If we start talking about death, not only will we make peace with it, but we may make the aftermath of our deaths more peaceful for our family.

For more information about cremation services offered in Tallahassee, FL, including grief resources, our caring and knowledgeable staff at Lifesong Funerals & Cremations is here to assist you. You can visit our funeral home at 20 S. Duval St., Quincy, FL 32351, or you can call us today at (850) 627-1111.

Providing grief resources is among the cremation services offered in Tallahassee, FL. After the death of a loved one, children may be confused about death and loss and the grieving process. While adults can think of death, loss, and grief in both emotional and objective terms, children often cannot, and what they’re feeling and thinking may be strange or scary to them.

Humans learn deep things through stories. Think of your favorite short story or novel and what you learned from the powerful story it contained. Children are especially adept at learning things from stories, and there are classic books that can help not only them to understand death, loss, and grief, but also parents and other adult family members in helping the children through the process.

Classic books that can help grieving children are available as picture books for preschoolers, easy reader books for elementary school children, and more advanced reading-level books for older children and young adults.

Always and Forever by Alan Durant is a story for preschoolers (3 years old and up) that tells how Fox’s friends reacted when Fox died. It describes their seemingly endless grief and their feeling that they can’t go on without him. Sometime later, Squirrel comes to visits and reminds Fox’s family and friends of the good times they had together, helping them to realize that Fox is still with them in the form of memories.

I Miss You: A First Look at Death by Pat Thomas is a story for preschoolers and elementary-aged children. The books helps children understand that death is part of life and that the feelings we experience when we lose someone we love and care about are normal and natural.

Another classic book about grief for preschoolers and elementary-aged children is Margery Williams’ The Velveteen Rabbit. The story tells of a velveteen rabbit that began its life as wonderful new toy, but now has become old and threadbare. It’s about to be thrown away when it is rescued by a fairy to Rabbitland. There the velveteen rabbit becomes a real rabbit who will be cherished by children forever.

Because of Winn-Dixie by Kate DiCamillo is a book for teens and young adults about Opal and Winn Dixie, a happy, but large and ugly, dog. Opal’s mom left when she was young and she is being raised by her father, who is a preacher. Opal and her dad have just moved to a new town, where they meet Winn-Dixie. Opal begins to learn things about her mother and is able to make new friends quickly because of Winn-Dixie. She is also able to let go of some of the grief of being abandoned.

Lifetimes: The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children by Bryan Mellonie is a good book to help adults explain death to children. The book is detailed and straightforward, yet simple enough for adults to explain death to children of all ages.

Eric Grollman’s Talking about Death: A Dialogue between Parent and Child offers an empathetic roadmap for parents to talk with their children about death. Its focus is on answering the most common questions that children ask about death, and it’s intended to be an interactive tool between parents and children.

For more information about grief resources and cremation services offered in Tallahassee, FL, including grief resources, our caring and knowledgeable staff at Lifesong Funerals & Cremations is here to assist you. You can visit our funeral home at 20 S. Duval St., Quincy, FL 32351, or you can call us today at (850) 627-1111.

Grief resources are among the cremation services offered in Tallahassee, FL. Grief is a whole body experience. It consumes us mentally, emotional, physically, and perhaps, for a time, even spiritually. Emotions run the gambit, stress levels are high, and we can suffer physical pain and illness as a result. We can also feel run down, depressed, and unable to focus on anything.

However, it’s not uncommon for the people we interact with regularly – and this can include family members – to not understand the symptoms of our grief. There are two reasons for this. One reason may simply be that they’ve never lost a loved one, so they haven’t experienced the kind of grief that follows death. The second reason may be that they have lost a loved one, and they are convinced that the way they grieved or handled their grief afterwards is the only way people grieve.

In either case, they (employers, teachers, family members, friends, etc.) will be the first ones to tell us things like we’re overreacting, that we need to get over it and move on, and that we’re grieving too long. They will not recognize that all the “problems” they are seeing with mental, emotional, and physical health are because of the toll that grieving takes on the human body.

When people dismiss or punish our grief, we are experiencing disenfranchised grief.

Disenfranchised grief happens with every kind of grief over loss, but it’s especially common when we experience a loss that doesn’t fit within the parameters of others’ expectations.

A very common example is the deep grief that couples experience over a miscarriage. Many people don’t think that warrants the same kind of grief as the loss of a family member, a spouse, or a child. And yet that pregnancy was a child in the making, so in reality couples who’ve experienced miscarriages have actually lost a child.

Another common example is deep grieving over the loss of a beloved pet. Especially in the American culture now, pets are very deeply woven into people’s lives. They refer to them as their children and their parents call them their grandchildren. With those kind of emotional attachments, and the long life of some pets, the grief when they die is very intense and pronounced.

It hurts when other people don’t understand the grieving you’re experiencing. It adds to the trauma of the loss you’ve experienced.

However, there is a more severe form of disenfranchised grief, which is known as suffocated grief.

Suffocated grief is grief that is not only unacknowledged, but is also punished.

Suffocated grief is especially common for children who are grieving when they are in school. These children may be disruptive and unruly, or tired and lethargic, and they are punished by school personnel for their behavior. Underprivileged children may be the most strongly affected by suffocated grief. When the norms of grief through one person or institution’s eyes are imposed on everyone else, the imposition basically says that person or institution gets to decide who gets to grieve and who doesn’t.

When the normal reactions of grief are not acknowledged and are punished, they can have devastating long-term effects. When no support is given for grieving children who may miss homework assignments or fail tests, while before they were doing well in school, then it can lead to a further decline in academic performance. They may fail the entire school year and be held back a year, or put in remedial classes the next year. To a child, this is a particularly hard defeat to come back from, and most never do.

For more information about grief resources and cremation services offered in Tallahassee, FL, including grief resources, our caring and knowledgeable staff at Lifesong Funerals & Cremations is here to assist you. You can visit our funeral home at 20 S. Duval St., Quincy, FL 32351, or you can call us today at (850) 627-1111.