How to Defuse Family Inheritance Disagreements

After cremations as part of the cremation services offered in Tallahassee, FL, the will or revocable trust of the deceased person will be on the immediate family’s mind. Even for families that generally get along pretty well together, the terms of the will or revocable trust may not sit well with some of the family members, which can often lead to disagreements, arguments, and revival of old rivalries and issues within the family.

One of the most common family inheritance issues is the idea that one of the children – and heirs – was the parent’s favorite, and therefore, got treated better in the will or revocable trust than the other siblings. This can be anything from being named the executor or the trustee to getting assets that other siblings feel like they should have gotten.

Being the executor of a will or the trustee of a revocable trust is a lot of responsibility and requires a lot of time and effort to do. Being chosen by a parent for this task is often more a function of involvement (i.e., one child is more involved with the day-to-day life of the parent, so they are more aware of what’s happening and what the parent wants after they die) than of being the favorite child.

However, the favorite child issue is one that frequent arises when other siblings find out they weren’t named – or even asked to be – as the executor of the will or the trustee of the revocable trust. Not being asked or name can often be seen by other siblings as a lack of confidence and trust by their parent in them. This can lead to resentment and serious mistrust of the process of distributing assets by those siblings, which can lead to horrendous arguments and nasty confrontations.

To defuse this situation, it’s important that the executor or trustee be sensitive to the feelings of the rest of family and invite collaboration and open communication as the distribution process is going on. Getting angry and defensive will only make things worse.

Another issue that often also arises with wills and revocable trusts is fairness. Many people equate fairness with equality. When it comes to the distribution of assets, this can mean that all beneficiaries expect an equal share of the assets.

However, that’s usually not how wills and trusts work. The deceased person had the big picture in mind when they drew up this legal document and they considered many things before making the specific bequests and percentages of distribution of their assets. The bottom line is that what they decided was fair is legally binding.

Sometimes executors or trustees will get ambushed by other beneficiaries and will be asked to give them something not specifically left to them or to change a bequest because “it was promised to me.” The best way to defuse this situation is to let all the beneficiaries know that they will be receiving exactly what the deceased person gave them and no exceptions will be made.

A third common issue for executors and trustees is be on trial from the rest of the beneficiaries for the job they’re doing. Criticism can be harsh and relentless. And this can make the job even harder and more stressful.

To address this issue, make sure everyone knows the rules at the outset. If you know your family well enough to know there will be trouble, consider getting an objective third party onboard to help with the process. And, finally, don’t let the process consume you. Place limits on the amount of time you will do this work and adhere to them.

For more information about cremation services offered in Tallahassee, FL, including grief resources, our caring and knowledgeable staff at Lifesong Funerals & Cremations is here to assist you. You can visit our funeral home at 20 S. Duval St., Quincy, FL 32351, or you can call us today at (850) 627-1111.