What is Advance Funeral Planning?

Advance funeral planning is the process of discussing, defining and recording your specific and unique funeral wishes with your funeral home provider and loved ones long before the services, ceremonies, traditions and rituals are needed. It is a gift to those who will be handling your affairs after you have departed. Your family will have the benefit of a meaningful, well thought out funeral — a process which is an important event for a grieving family.

Here are a few tips to help you get started:

Learn what’s involved.
There are three general components to a funeral, understanding these will help you plan: preparing the corpse, holding the ceremony and handling the interment. There are a range of options for each. Embalming or cremation? A full service at a funeral home, a graveside ceremony or a custom ceremony? Who will be there? Will there be a viewing of the body?  Burial in the ground or in a tomb, or ashes scattered in a meaningful place?

Find out what average funeral costs are.
The FCA has links on its site to itemized lists of funeral costs, by state. Check it out so you have an idea of what you can expect to pay in your area for everything from a casket to the cost of that final hearse ride to the cemetery.

Shop around.
Don’t buy a funeral without checking with more than one funeral home. You can pay thousands less just by going a few miles down the road or by spelling out your wishes ahead of time. Call several funeral homes and get quotes. The Federal Trade Commission requires them to quote prices over the phone or in person.

Buy only what you want.
You may save money in areas such as flowers or plants, an urn or grave site, a casket or cremation.

Talk it over and write it down.
Tell your loved ones what sort of funeral you’d like to have, and how much you want to spend. Be specific, but realize your loved ones may not be able to deliver on everything you want. You can make the burden of organizing your funeral lessened by talking over your wishes well in advance.

Planning ahead enables you to make big decisions ahead of time and even take the burden of financial arrangements off your loved ones. Discussing your wishes allows your family to know how you wish to be honored and celebrated. Call Lifesong to discuss, document and plan your funeral wishes today.

How to Choose the Right Urn

The primary purpose of a cremation urn is to hold the cremated remains of the deceased. But what will you do with the urn once it is filled with your loved one’s ashes? The answer to that question and a few others will help to determine the type of urn you will need and help you make the right decision. Consider the following as a helpful guide in making a selection.

 

1. Selecting the correct size
Consider the dimensions and capacity. The dimensions of the urn are the height, width and diameter. If using a niche in a church or columbarium, call ahead to find out the niche size before choosing your urn. Some columbariums have compact niches and other columbariums have family niches much like family cemetery plots with room for larger urns or multiple urns. The typical urn size needed is an adult cremation urn. Adult size will hold the ashes of anyone who was up to 220 pounds or less prior to cremation. Medium urns are needed when dividing one person’s ashes among several people or for children. Keepsake urns are for small amounts of ashes to be kept in remembrance. Extra large urns are available for very tall or larger framed individuals — over 6 feet tall.

As a general rule for an adult urn, you’ll need an urn with at least one cubic inch of space for every pound of body weight prior to cremation. For example, if the deceased had a weight of 150 pounds before cremation, you will need an urn that is at least 150 cubic inches or larger. If purchasing an urn for an infant, child or pet, call for assistance.

 

2. Consider the final resting place
Families may want to consider the final resting place of a loved one’s cremation urn before looking at styles. Will the ashes be scattered or buried or placed at home or in a niche? If scattering the ashes, you may want to look at the choices in scattering urns or tubes, water burial urns or less expensive urns as the urn itself is only temporary. If you plan to have a permanent memorial in a cemetery and bury the urn, there are many options. Almost any urn can be placed in an urn vault and then buried.

 

3. Choosing the Urn Style and Material
There are a variety of urns to choose from. These range from brass, to wood to glass to ceramic to marble. Most people choose an urn based on a style or look they like and the end use. If the urn will serve as a decorative piece, one may choose a more unique and artistic material. If permanence is most important, marble is ideal for burial as it can be permanently marked with the loved one’s information via engraving. If traveling with the urn, one may choose a material that may be x-rayed such as wood, paper or cultured marble.

 

4. Personalizing the Urn
Many urns may be personalized with engraving of a name or artwork. Personalization may remind you of a loved one and bring comfort. You may choose a color or an urn that may include a photo. Some more artistic urns may have a theme or shape of something a loved one cherished such as a beach house, flowers, a pet, etc.

 

Apart from the most practical concerns, making sure the urn is large enough to hold your loved one’s remains and making sure the urn will fit if space is restricted, most of the choices that follow are more a matter of personal preference. Call the Lifesong team with any questions and personal assistance with choosing a cremation urn for your loved one’s ashes.

Remembering Loved Ones During the Holidays, Modifying Traditions and Creating New Ones

After a loved one passes away, the holidays are never the same again. Grief triggers are everywhere, and decorations and events that are meant to bring joy may serve as painful reminders of loss. Traditions, events, parties, songs, movies all trigger memories. Studies show keeping your loved one’s memory alive by continuing to make them a part of your holiday season is a healthy part of the grieving/healing process.

Here are 10 ways to remember loved ones during the holidays:

1. Photos: Display old photo albums in a location accessible to holiday visitors. People can’t resist a well placed photo album. Before you know it you’ll be reminiscing and telling stories with family and friends.

2. Get out the old home videos. Yes you may get emotional, but it also might be comforting to see your loved one up on the TV screen. Again, it’s a great opportunity for story telling and reminiscing.

3. After a loss it can be hard to part with your loved ones belongings. The holidays present the perfect opportunity to give away some of these things, especially if you are someone who always wants to make sure that old treasures go to good homes. Wrap up a few of your loved one’s old things and give them to family and friends who will appreciate them.

4. Create a special place for people to write down memories. Put out a marker and paper or plain wooden ornaments. Friends and family can hang the ornaments or leave the memories in an old stocking or empty gift box. When everyone is gathered together, read the memories aloud.

5. Donate to a cause in your loved ones name. Try  and choose a charity your loved one would have supported. During the holidays churches and places of worship, local food pantries, homeless shelters, soldiers and their families, nursing homes, and ‘Toys for Tots’ are all very active.

6. Volunteer your time to others in need. You might choose a cause your loved one worked with or supported. If your feeling lonely, try a retirement home where you can sit and talk to those you are helping.

7. Light a candle in honor of your loved one. Leave it burning during days when you think you’ll miss them the most.

8. When you see a gift your loved one would have liked, go ahead and buy it. Donate it to a charity or give it to someone as gift.

9. Visit or spend time in a place where you feel close to your loved one. You could also spend time watching their favorite holiday movies or listening to their favorite holiday songs.

10. Take care of yourself. Attend a workshop or support group for people dealing with a loss during the holidays. Remember that your loved one would have wanted you to have the support you need.

And a few helpful strategies to get through the holidays without your loved one:

1. Trust that Grief is Part of Healing. Time doesn’t heal the pain associated with a loss, it’s what you do what that time that matters. Grief is the process by which you heal. Experiencing the pain-rather than constantly trying to escape it-can actually help you feel better in the long-term.

2. Set Healthy Boundaries. If attending a holiday ceremony or participating in a gift swap is likely to bring about too many painful memories this year, be willing to say no.

3. Focus on What You Can Control. Think about what you can do to lessen the heartache when you can. It’s ok to limit your decorations or shop for presents online only. Keep in mind, that life goes on for other people and it’s ok that they’re happy to celebrate this year.

4. Plan Ahead. Often, the anticipation over how hard something is going to be is worse than the actual event. Create a simple plan for how you’ll get through the holidays to avoid extending your anguish. Drive yourself to holiday functions or ride with a trusted friend who will take you home whenever you want. Knowing you can easily leave at any time can help you enjoy the activity much more than you would if you felt stuck.

5. Do Something Kind for Others. Even when you’re in the midst of grief, you still have something to offer the world. Performing a few acts of kindness can be good for the grieving spirit.

6. Find a Way to Honor Your Memories. Create a special way to memorialize the person you’ve lost. Whether you decide to light a candle every night or eat your loved one’s favorite food, honoring your loved one can serve as a tangible reminder that even though they are gone, their memory lives on.

7. Create New Traditions. Don’t be afraid to create new traditions this year too. You can also alter old traditions and make them fit better with the new phase in your life.

8. Allow Yourself to Feel a Range of Emotions. The holidays can bring about a wide range of emotions. You might feel joy, guilt, and sadness all within a few minutes. Allow yourself to feel those emotions without judging yourself or thinking you should be happy or you shouldn’t be laughing.

9. Ask for Help. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you’re struggling with the holidays. Look for support groups or contact a professional counselor to help you deal with your grief in a healthy manner.

It’s an important part of the healing process to remember loved ones during the holidays. Surround yourself with caring friends and find what works for you. Remind loved ones that you’re having a rough time, and reach out for more support.

Funeral Home Reviews – Where can you best find them, and how helpful are they?

Reviewing and rating have become a large part of our culture. It is a social activity that allows us to feel we can share our experiences within our community. With the ability for anyone to go online and have a voice, more people have become active reviewers.

And as consumers, we review what other people’s experiences have been with a product or service before we commit. While word-of-mouth recommendations are helpful and very valuable, an unbiased rating is sometimes most sought out in emotional times.

Reviews do matter. They engrain trust. The internet has given consumers information right at our fingertips, and we look to learn as much information as possible before picking up the phone. We try to determine the trustworthiness of a business from its online presence.

But, where can one go to find funeral home reviews?

Online traffic is controlled by the big 3 review sites: Google, Facebook and Yelp. Each has it’s own review system that allows people to leave reviews about a business and help consumers make a decision.

Google uses a 5-star rating that appears any time a business shows up on their web properties. Facebook offers business the opportunity to showcase themselves to their community. Facebook also uses a 5-star review system to help build a reputation of a business online. A funeral home’s star ranking can be found just below the header image in Facebook. Yelp’s SEO is often much better than a lot of local business pages, so their profile pages can sometimes rank higher in Google’s search listings.

The beauty about the Internet is that it levels the playing field for everyone, especially those in the funeral home business. Most families never think about a funeral home…unless they have an urgent need. A death in the family creates that “urgent need” and this is when a funeral home becomes “front and center” to a family.

Since families do not know one funeral home from another, family’s weigh heavily on the reviews they read from experiences before them. However, ranking on the 1st page of Google is not always everything. At Lifesong, we strive to stand out not only by listings and ratings, but through offering consistent, caring, compassionate funeral services.

While reviews and ratings do matter, we tend to advise families into taking it all into account — weighing reviews and ratings, as well as word-of-mouth testimonials from those who have a positive experience. We value your feedback — all feedback helps Lifesong grow and provide the services and care our customers need most.

Disaster Planning While Caring for the Terminally Ill

Anyone living in a part of the country prone to natural disaster or extreme weather should know how to prepare. Pack an emergency kit along with batteries, flashlights, canned foods, water, blankets, clothing, first aid kits, a radio and matches. Know your evacuation routes and the location of shelters as well as pet shelters. Keep an eye on the weather and take warnings seriously.

When caring for a critically ill relative at home, disaster planning takes on new urgency. Life is already stressful for a family with a terminally ill loved one. When natural disaster or bad weather events loom, there are a few precautions one may take to better prepare their family.

Hospice may suggest moving the patient to its inpatient unit or another facility for safety. If the patient remains at home, extra oxygen, medications and other supplies may be supplied to the family. Those caring for or on standby with a terminally ill patient should emphasize the importance of educating the patient as well as local medical staff and family of special needs and all current medications. These may be stored as directed and also packaged in water proof containers.

Have hospices contact numbers and primary physician on hand, and confirm they have yours. If emergency assistance is needed during the storm, do not hesitate to call 911. Listen and heed local weather advisories, stay off the roads and use extra precautions.

In this case specifically, as we prepare for potential disaster from Hurricane Michael, please know whether or not you plan to use Lifesong for funeral and cremation, we are available to assist with a terminally ill family member and would like to serve as a point of contact.

Tholley Taylor, Lifesong Founder and Licensed Funeral Director, may be contacted at (850) 627-1111 or (850) 508-6568 directly.

For more information on planning for natural disasters, visit https://www.ready.gov/.