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Pet Therapy for Grief

Grief resources are among the cremation services offered in Tallahassee, FL. After the death and cremation of a loved one, the grieving process begins in earnest. Friends and family go back to their homes and to their normal lives, leaving us alone with our grief and, sometimes, the feeling of emptiness, especially in the case of spouses. Grief can be amplified by the sense of being out of sync with the rest of the world.

For many people, one of the hardest parts of post-death grief is the conjunction of the grieving person, whose entire life and world has completely and permanently changed, with everything and everyone else just going on the same as always. Grieving people can feel very isolated.

This is when pets can be a tremendous help in the grieving process in many ways.

A very practical way that pets can help with the grieving process is they provide the foundation for returning to a normal routine. They need to be fed, watered, and walked on a regular schedule, so those needs inject a sense of normalcy into a time where nothing else is normal.

Physical activity helps produce endorphins, which make us feel better, so walking pets is a key way that we can have a better general sense of well-being even while we’re in the middle of the grieving process.

Pets provide companionship, so it can be very comforting to have them around when someone is grieving. Loneliness and isolation can still feel very real at times, but having pets can help reduce these feelings on a personal level.

Research shows that pets reduce the production of cortisol, the stress hormone. Stress, and a lot of it, is very much a part of the grieving process. Stress can be exacerbated as the grieving person has to handle all the legal, financial, and other details associated with the loss of a loved one. Making the adjustment to a new life without the person who has died is also very stressful. But having pets can help ease the stress and make the adjustment period easier.

The first year after a loved one dies can be extremely difficult emotionally and mentally. Being around other people might be hard at times because they may say something unintentionally that is insensitive or even hurts. Most people, we hope, aren’t intentionally judgmental or critical, but when they are it can feel like being attacked all the time. And strong emotions are part and parcel of the grieving process, so crying and sorrow can appear any time, and when they do, people may feel embarrassed or ashamed.

Pets, however, love unconditionally, so they don’t care if you cry, sob, or talk to yourself. They are simply there for you and their worlds revolve around you. Pets can be a safe haven while you’re grieving because, unlike people, they don’t have any expectations of you except to love and be loved. Pets are never insensitive, judgmental, or critical about anything you do or say.

Pets can be very comforting a grieving, because they can help lessen the feelings of emptiness and being lost without a loved one. Pets offer a sense of reassurance and comfort that can make the empty spaces and the uncertainties of death easier to face and to deal with. Dogs, in particular, are attuned to feelings and can always sense when their owners are sad or feeling down. They will always respond to that with even more affection and care.

For more information about cremation services offered in Tallahassee, FL, including grief resources, our caring and knowledgeable staff at Lifesong Funerals & Cremations is here to assist you. You can visit our funeral home at 20 S. Duval St., Quincy, FL 32351, or you can call us today at (850) 627-1111.

What are Funeral Visitations?

Part of funerals at funeral homes in Tallahassee, FL may include visitations. If you knew the person who died or you knew one of their family members, you should make every effort to attend the funeral visitation, whether you plan to stay for the funeral service or not. Funeral visitations are included in the funeral process because they offer family and friends an opportunity to pay their last respects to the deceased, to give condolences to the deceased’s family, and to offer them comfort, support, and encouragement.

A funeral visitation is the most personal part of the funeral process other than the reception or meal that may optionally be held after the funeral service or burial, because it enables friends and family to talk with the grieving family and share memories and provide emotional support. Funeral visitations are most often held at the funeral home, but it could be held in a church or another place.

If you knew the deceased or are close to the family, it would be considered rude not to attend the visitation, unless the family has requested a private funeral visitation that they limit to a select group of people who are invited. Even if you are not a guest for the private visitation, plan to allot some time to visit with the family within a short period after the funeral.

Some funeral visitations included a viewing, with the casket open and the body of the deceased present. This is becoming less common in some parts of the country, but it is still very traditional in southern states. If you have young children you’d rather not see the open casket, then you can ask the funeral director, who is usually at the entrance of the chapel greeting guests, if there is some place out of the room where the children can sit while you go in (spouses will generally take turns going in so that the children are not unattended).

Don’t get to funeral visitations before the time they are supposed to start. Before the visitation hours begin, the family of the deceased usually spends some time alone with the deceased. This can be very emotional and the family should have privacy to grieve openly and collect themselves emotionally before the visitation begins.

Funeral visitations have the family of the deceased at the front of the chapel, standing beside the casket, and greeting the line of mourners. Don’t spend too much time with the family, because other people are waiting to speak with them as well. Sometimes one person will just keep talking and a family member may miss people they should speak to as they pass through. Make sure to say something to every family member.

Once you’ve gone through the visitation, move toward the back of the room and find a seat. It’s okay to greet other people you know at the visitation, but keep your conversations low-key and short.

When looking for a seat, go to the furthest row back that has empty seats and get a seat nearest the inside part of the row away from the center aisle. As the chapel or sanctuary gets full, if people having to climb over other people to find a seat, it becomes disruptive and is considered disrespectful.

Once you’ve sat down, you may talk very quietly with people nearby, but once the funeral service is about to start, all conversations should be stopped.

If you want to know more about visitations at funeral homes in Tallahassee, FL, our compassionate and experienced staff at Lifesong Funerals & Cremations can help. You can come by our funeral home at 20 S. Duval St., Quincy, FL 32351, or you can contact us today at (850) 627-1111.

Burial or Cremation?

Guidance on final disposition is one of the cremation services offered in Tallahassee, FL. This is one of the end-of-life decisions that you should make before you die. Not only do you need to make sure you’ve got powers of attorney for medical and financial oversight set up, as well as a will or revocable trust, before you die, but you also need to discuss your funeral plans with your loved ones and let them know what you want. This is an incredible gift that each of us can give to our families because they won’t have the additional stress of making this decision, and can instead focus on grieving and healing.

Cremations and burials are the two most common funeral options. Each option has many avenues that will keep your memory alive and give your family comfort after your death.

Burials generally include funeral visitations, funeral services, graveside ceremonies, and burials underground. Visitations are usually held a couple of hours before funeral services, while gravesite ceremonies are held – often the next day – at the cemetery plot where the burial will be.

Burials will include embalming if there will be a viewing as part of the funeral visitation, but embalming is not necessary if you decide not to have a viewing during the visitation. The body will be stored at exceptionally cold temperatures to delay deterioration.

Burials have, until recently, been very traditional in American culture. In many communities where generations of people are born and die there, family or church cemeteries abound and burials are expected to be the final means of disposition.

Funeral burials offer a lot of advantages. First, most religions accept and prefer underground burials. Underground burials in cemeteries also provide families with a physical location where they can go to visit after their loved one has died. Headstones or grave markers placed on the graveside offer a tangible and long-lasting monument to the deceased’s memory.

There are also some disadvantages to burials. If you don’t have cemetery plots already purchased, have a church or family cemetery where burial plots are free to members, or are eligible to be buried in a national cemetery, then cemetery plots will have to be purchased.

Another disadvantage of burials is that they are permanent and in one location. Therefore, if family members who don’t live close by want to visit the cemetery, they have to make arrangements to travel there (and perhaps, if they live far away, making lodging arrangements). If a family moves to another location and decides they want to move the grave site, which can be done, the logistics can be complicated and the cost can be very high.

Cremations can be direct (no funeral service, with the option of a memorial service later), or they can include a visitation (with or without a viewing) and a funeral service, after which cremation happens.

With cremations, you have many options for the cremains. They can be buried underground (for instance, spouses who have a spouse already buried), stored in a columbarium (a memorial headstone is placed in the niche where the urn is stored), buried in a cemetery’s urn garden (a well-manicured section of the cemetery that is specifically designated for burying urns with cremains), or put into wearable jewelry to keep your deceased loved one close by.

How to Avoid Family Conflicts During Funeral Planning

When families are arranging funerals at funeral homes in Tallahassee, FL, they will be doing so during a time of intense stress caused by shock, grief, and loss. Even the most cooperative of families and those without internal preexisting issues may find themselves at odds with each other over how final arrangements should be done. For families with a more fractured history before the loss of a loved one, the task of making funeral arrangements is potential or permanent breaking point for the family.

If the conflicts aren’t managed so that they don’t erupt, they can lead to long-term feelings of resentment and anger, which can lead to estrangement of family members from each other, something the deceased loved one would have never wanted.

One way to avoid family conflicts when arranging funerals is to remember that these arrangements are to show honor, respect, and love to the deceased family member. It is about them, not about the individual wishes and desires of the remaining family members.

The biggest reason for many of the disagreements that people have is a lack of communication. This happens in everyday life, at work, at school, and at home. Grieving families who are making funeral arrangements for a loved one must work hard at clear and timely communication with each other. However, not only should the words be said at the right time and in a clear way, but the tone in which they’re said should be respectful and calm. Shouting matches don’t resolve anything, but they can create resentment and hard feelings that may carry on far beyond the funeral.

All family members have to be willing to compromise in order to avoid conflicts while making funeral arrangements. Unless the deceased left specific instructions on what they wanted for their funeral, it’s up to the family to decide how best to memorialize their loved one. People will disagree on things, but it’s important to understand that the things that may be in dispute are little in the big scheme of things and not worth disrupting the entire process and possibly fracturing the family.

One family member may want the whole funeral done in one day. Another family member may want the visitation and funeral service in the evening of a day and the graveside service the next morning. There may be disagreements about casket sprays in terms of the design and flower color(s). There might be different ideas about the readings and music selected for the funeral service.

Everybody has to be willing to give, and the best way to compromise is to make sure that everybody gets something they want included in the funeral arrangements. It should be, if possible, the thing that is most important to them. This way every family member gets an equal part in the process.

Another way to avoid family conflicts when making funeral arrangements is to share the responsibilities. In most families, when the sibling the ones make arrangements, the oldest usually defaults back to the childhood role of being in charge. This inevitably leads to that sibling being saddled with the majority of the responsibility for making the funeral arrangements. It also excludes the rest of the siblings from having a role. Let go of childhood and let everyone do what they’re best at to make the funeral come together and to eliminate conflict.

For more guidance on avoiding family conflicts during funeral planning at funeral homes in Tallahassee, FL, our compassionate and experienced staff at Lifesong Funerals & Cremations can help. You can come by our funeral home at 20 S. Duval St., Quincy, FL 32351, or you can contact us today at (850) 627-1111.

Is Social Media a Safe Place to Grieve?

Grief resources are among the cremation services offered in Tallahassee, FL. Social media’s purpose, at its inception, was to bring people together in a virtual environment. Originally, the idea was to connect people with things in common: common friends, common backgrounds, common work and school locations, and common interests. The theory was that a single person could widen their social circles as they found other people they had things in common with.

That concept has been successful – perhaps too successful. While social media has brought old friends back together, it has also created a community of connections that don’t necessarily mesh as well together as the theoretical model assumed.

This idea of connection to a large community can lead to a phenomenon known as oversharing. People detail every nuance of their lives. Whether it’s pictures of what they had for dinner or relating every single incident that happens during the course of a day, there is an assumption that there is an empathetic and waiting audience, standing by, waiting to help, to comfort, and to support.

As with every other part of our lives, social media has become the forum for public grieving after the loss of someone we love. Often, the first time friends and family hear of the death of a loved one, it’s on social media. We shared details about the death. We share our funeral planning. We share the obituary. And we share the location of whatever services, whether to funeral service or a memorial service, will be held and all the details related to it.

After we say goodbye to a loved one, then we take to social media to grieve their loss. Social media has accommodated this by taking the accounts of people who have died and turning them into memorial walls, where people can leave comments and condolences.

In some cases, people share the most intimate parts of their grieving process, which includes emotions, memories, regrets, and wishes about and for the loved one they lost. While social media gets criticized for many things, this sharing of the journey of grief even by someone you may not know can give insights into what grieving looks like, how it feels, and how it progresses.

For some people, this may create empathy, compassion, and sensitivity when they’re dealing with people in real life who’ve lost somebody that they love very much.

As a society, we’ve become impatient with emotional processes that we deem negative. Grief is one of those. For people who’ve never lost somebody they loved and have never grieved, there is an expectation – unrealistic – that people who are grieving feel sad for a few days and then they brush it all off I go on as if nothing ever happened.

Our work worlds treat grief this way as well. In general, when someone in your immediate family dies, you get three days of bereavement. After those three days, you’re expected to be back at work and 100% engaged, with the sadness, the sorrow, and the grieving behind you.

So grieving publicly on social media for too long and too much can often bring hurtful and painful results, as the societal expectation of a short period of time being allocated to a negative process is imposed. People may say very insensitive things like, “You’ll be fine. You just need to get over it.,” or “You need to be happy and everything will be better.” People may be critical and people may be condemnatory.

So while sharing expressions of grief on social media may be fine in small doses, it’s really best to find real people, whether they’re trusted friends, family members, or people in a grief support group, to share the deepest parts and the longest parts of the grieving process with.