When Families Hide the Nearness of Death

Before a Tallahassee cremation, as loved ones who are severely or terminally ill draw closer to death, some of their immediate family members may decide not to share the information that their lives are coming to an end with them.

There is no malice behind this. Instead, the family is trying to shelter the person who is dying from the reality that their death is very close. However, by keeping their loved one from knowing the truth of their condition, family members are creating consequences they may not consider.

By keeping the truth from their dying love one, for example, family members are making it impossible for their loved ones to be able to voice their questions and fears about dying and death.

It’s easier to understand the position we are putting our loved ones in when we hide the truth about imminent death from them if we put ourselves in their shoes. We should ask ourselves these questions:

• If I know that death is just a few days, weeks, or months away, what would I want to say to my loved ones?
• What would I want to ask about dying and death, and what would I need to hear that would help me be at peace?
• Who would I want to be with me, and what types of decisions would I need to make?
• Finally, are there certain things that are meaningful to me — books, mementos, works of art, music — that I would want with me that would help me be more comfortable?

When we answer these questions for ourselves, we can gain valuable insights about why we may be hiding the nearness of death from our loved ones. It may be that we are not only trying to protect them from the reality that they are close to death, but we are also trying to protect ourselves from that reality. That protectiveness stems from an awareness that losing our loved one is going to be extremely painful and from an awareness that we also are mortal and are going to die.

However, we need to remember that our efforts to protect or shelter our loved ones is depriving them of what they need to do during their final days on earth. This includes giving them the ability speak openly and honestly about what they want, what they are feeling, and what they still need to say.

This is a gift that can only be given in situations like this, when we and our loved ones know we have only a certain amount of time, and a finite opportunity to make use of it. This can be a great starting place for the conversations that will produce healing, forgiveness, and peace, as well as the open communication of their love.

Here’s something else to keep in mind about the dying process and trying to hide knowledge of death from our loved ones. In most cases, our loved ones already know that death is approaching. By covering that up or denying its reality, we deprive our loved ones of the opportunity to talk candidly about his or her concerns or desires surrounding death and to be able to put their lives in order before they die.

It’s, therefore, very important that we are open and truthful our loved ones about their impending death. We – and they – will get the opportunity to do this right just once.

If you would like information about a Tallahassee cremation, our compassionate and experienced staff at Lifesong Funerals & Cremations can help.