How to Know When Grief is Complicated
Before and after Tallahassee, FL cremations, those who’ve lost their loved ones will grieve intensely. There is no time limit on grieving when we lose someone. In fact, some sort of grief will always be there to remind us that they’re gone, that we miss them, and that we love them.
However, the intense grieving that immediately follows the death of someone we love eventually should change into an embrace of our memories, punctuated by those out-of-the-blue moments when something triggers grief and tears from which we move on relatively quickly, of our loved ones that surround us like a warm blanket on a cold night when we think of them.
For some people, however, the intensity of grief never seemingly subsides. There is a continual hashing and rehashing of “would have, should have, could have” thoughts about the deceased loved one. This grief is laced with regrets, guilt, and unrequited mourning. Eventually, it can consume people to the point of obsession and debilitation.
This may be complicated grief or the result of delayed grief. Quite often, delayed grief from one loss can create complicated grief in another loss.
For instance, if one parent dies and there is an adult child who’s been asked to and/or assumes the role of taking care of the surviving parent, it is likely that adult child may delay the grieving process – unconsciously – for the loss of the first parent to be strong for and available to the surviving parent.
However, when the surviving parent dies, the delayed grieving gets activated and added to the current grieving, and creates an emotional mess that may take years to recover from. It’s nobody’s fault – not the parents nor the adult child – but it Is simply the way circumstance, personalities, and temperaments come together sometimes.
If grieving over the loss of a love one is just as intense six months after death as it was in the early days after death, there is good possibility that complicated grief is involved. If a person is finding it impossible to return to a normal life, in some shape or form, after this period of time, then they most likely have complicated grief (most of the time, the person who’s experiencing complicated grief won’t recognize it, but friends and family should be aware and step in to help if there is a need).
For many people who develop complicated grief, the relationship that they had with the deceased was extremely close and extremely positive. Because the bonds of their relationship were so deep and so strong, the feelings of sorrow, sadness, and loss get exponentially intensified. It’s rare that complicated grief occurs in people who had troubled, tense, or estranged relationships with loved ones (although it does happen from time to time).
Complicated grief can also occur if people go out of their way to not think about or be reminded of their loved one or how they died. While this is self-protective initially, it creates problems if it is sustained for an extended period of time.
For grief resources before or after Tallahassee, FL cremations, our caring and knowledgeable staff at Lifesong Funerals & Cremations is here to assist you. You can visit our funeral home at 20 S. Duval St., Quincy, FL 32351, or you can call us today at (850) 627-1111.
